Home is where the heart is

People move for a lot of different reasons.  I moved here because of my husband's job.  If you had asked me even 3 months before we relocated if I was planning to move I would have said, "Heck no!" (or something like that).  Todd and I both loved the town we were in, the neighbors we had, the heart of the home we owned.  So many wonderful family memories were made there and we fully intended to retire there, to continue making those memories indefinitely.  For us, it turned out to be a very good move.  We are as happy here as we were in Cove.  Which makes me think that it isn't the house...it is the home that we make...that makes for a happy life.

My mother-in-law is facing a difficult phase in her life.  She recently broke her hip and after a short stay in a rehabilitation facility is now in an assisted living facility.  She now has more independence and companionship than she has had in years and her health is vastly improved.  She is able to do her own shopping, schedule her own doctor's appointments and arrange for transportation to those appointments.  She has made more friends in the past 3 months than she has in the past 13 years. And yet, all she wants is to go back home.

I get it.  I do.  As a person who worked for 13 years in health care.  As a realtor who sees every day how important a house can be.  As a person who loves her own home.  But as a daughter-in-law who who loves her mother-in-law I simply cannot wrap my  mind around it.  I know she has wonderful memories of the years spent there with her sons and husband.  But her sons are grown and her husband has passed.  Her memories are with her where ever she goes...so the house shouldn't matter.  Should it?  Shouldn't she embrace the opportunities that are now available to her?  Shouldn't she want to move closer to Todd and I, her family, to continue on that path of activity and engaged conversations?

There isn't a simple solution.  We want Mom to be safe and happy.  What she thinks will make her happy puts her in an unsafe situation.  If we insist she stay safely where she is, she insists she will be nothing but miserable.  There are so many other pieces of the equation that need to be factored in:  family issues, home care providers (good and very, very bad), mental status, medical concerns.  No spreadsheet or supercomputer can solve this one.  I'm not sure we can solve this. Whether she moves closer to us or back into her house we won't be able to stop worrying about her.

So as I get ready for bed, happy in my life and in this house, I wish for happiness for Claire.  I wish she could see that home truly is where the heart is.  She may not have chosen this current living arrangement but she can choose to be happy wherever she is.  We all can.

www.jerianne.rnohomes.com